By: Gabriela Yareliz (inspired by a talk by Sarah May B. and lots of introspection)
Hello and happy Monday.
I am learning
(or trying to learn) more about communication. (How is that for a direct opening?) You start to care more about growing in painful areas when you know you love someone so much that you are willing to put in the work. It’s important to grow as a person.
Relationships take work. People who have been together forever have developed solid habits and weathered many storms. Right now, though, in my youth, I am analyzing myself and trying to see when I am defensive, feeling misunderstood (and the fact that this triggers certain emotions and insecurities). We all have them. We all want to be loved and desired.
Garance Doré posted a snippet of her and her fiancé’s dynamics that made me smile. Behold:
“We sat down with a notary, and we signed pages and pages of papers. And just like that, at a café table in Venice, we owned a tiny piece of California. I was very quiet, I didn’t know what to say. Chris said ‘I’m going surfing’ and I started to cry (I told you, I’m in a weepy period) and we got in a fight, like with every big moment in our lives.” Garance Doré
It made me smile because relationships have those moments. It’s inevitable. Relationships aren’t about perfection, but about living great moments (having those outweigh the friction moments) and helping one another grow heavenward. Love evokes love. Love heals.
Communication is tough. It is about small habits and dynamics. It’s about being intentional and changing our behavior when conflict or friction arises. (And learning how to make moments that could be of conflict, moments of growth and meeting each other’s needs). Maybe, instead of being defensive or trying to talk everything out ad nauseam, or instead of feeling insulted, ashamed or inadequate, it’s about simply being more intentional when I feel hurt or misunderstood and trying to see where the other party is coming from.
Perhaps, we all have wounds that sting at different moments because of different things. And we can actually help each other heal, rather than creating distance and more hurt or isolation.
Sometimes, in the middle of friction we need to remember that the person in front of us loves us. When you love someone, your intention is not to hurt or confuse another.
I want to become a better communicator. I know. I got a degree from the College of Journalism and Communication. Still, like the rest of us, I have a lot to learn. I want to learn to receive the right message, and I want to learn to give the right message, too.
“[W]e are choosing people based on what we need to learn.” Sarah May B.
And I have a lot to learn.