By: Gabriela Yareliz
So, I reblogged a post yesterday that I read, and I honestly think I read it thinking it was saying what I wanted it to say (it’s like being a bad listener, except this is being a bad reader). But after rereading it and thinking about it and discussing it, I realized it was not something I agreed with. Therefore, that post is gone, but no worries, it is replicated here with an explanation, and the original post: Secret Revealed: What Every Godly Girl Wants in a Man is linked here, if you are curious.
Above the repost, my blurb said:
Thanks Fel for sharing. Ahhh, the great question: What kind of a man is a Godly woman looking for? I have to say I agree with the author. A Godly woman is looking for a man who strives to be like Jesus. A man who will push her and challenge her to grow closer to God and depend on God with her. A man who will pray with her, side by side. Not a man with a shallow label of religion, but a man who truly sees God’s hand in his life, every day. Both people should mirror who they have chosen to reflect. A woman needs to become what she is looking for.
“I want a man with a Bible is his hand, like this…”
[I love the high school quote I ended that blurb with, by the way. Always makes me smile.]
Anyway– here we go:
So, the original post says that “godly” women want Jesus (the term “godly” not meaning that these women are sanctified Mother Teresas but simply that they are striving to be a woman according to Proverbs 31). Okay, that is cool. I think one could safely say a Christian young woman loves Jesus, but that she should marry (a man who is like) Jesus? Whoa.
Someone much wiser than me was discussing this with me, and she wisely pointed out that no one would ever measure up to that. And I agree. It is pretty unfair to hold a human to the “Jesus” standard. When I reread the post, I thought, this isn’t talking about someone wanting to be like Jesus, but someone who is like Jesus. Then I thought: Am I like Jesus? And the answer is no. I am nowhere close to what Jesus was–I don’t even come close to what Mother Teresa or Amy Carmichael were (and they were HUMANS).
If I look at successful marriages and men and women that I admire, they are often older men and women who have had to go through difficult lessons, less than perfect lives and sacrifice. If someone would have taken the post’s requirements of being Jesus and measured these individuals before they got married, no one would have passed the test. NO ONE. Again, I wouldn’t pass the test.
It’s not fair to look for Jesus as a spouse because if a man were looking for a woman like Jesus, he would walk right past me and have every right to. Jesus is Jesus. We all need the actual Jesus, but we can’t pretend for another imperfect human to fill that void. Isn’t that one of the biggest flaws in our lives? We try to fill voids and feel complete with other human beings and things, but it doesn’t work that way.
I do think that two people planning to spend their lives together should mesh spiritually and have similar goals to grow together, and they should share beliefs, because beliefs are often at the core of our essence. You can’t fully understand a person and be fully intimate with them if you don’t understand and to some extent share their belief (if not you will probably think they are insane at some point). But, that said, we the people (wink) trying to grow and aspiring to reflect the character of God need to look for another human who wants to grow and seek like we do. There is a lot each gender seeks when seeking a partner as my wise mother told me. I mean, obviously people and doctors have written entire books on the topic. Women seek stability, security, love, etc. Men seek other things. It’s natural. Part of life. The key is to remember that no one is perfect (which should be obvious right?).
If you look for someone who has already “arrived”, you won’t find him/her. We have never “arrived.” If you are looking for a Jesus-to-marry on Tinder or at church, don’t be surprised if you don’t find him…
I stand by my comment: I do want a man who strives to be like Jesus, just like I want to–but that doesn’t mean he is like Jesus. I want someone who pushes me to grow and who will pray for me, just like I want to help another person grow and pray for him; a man who truly sees God’s hand in his life, every day. I can’t speak for masses, but I can speak for myself. I don’t know the formulas and I don’t do lists, but I want a human, a man who is flawed just as I am flawed. A man I won’t expect perfection from, just as I hope he doesn’t expect perfection from me. A man who isn’t afraid of challenge and growth.
I don’t have it all figured out. None of us do, right? It’s like my favorite novel, David Copperfield, where Davy can only see clearly in hindsight, with his gained maturity and after all of his mistakes. The end always makes me cry. As always, Dickens is on to something: His novel is like life. We learn and grow as we go, and the beauty of this is we get to find, not someone perfect, but someone to grow with us, imperfectly, along the way.
This little Davy has a lot to figure out, so I won’t pretend to be at the end of my book. 😉