Final Days

By: Gabriela Yareliz

No time to sleep. No time to brush your hair. No time to do laundry. No time.

It is that time; end of the semester.

Teachers’ demands reach their highest level of impossibility (wink) and they ask for what seems impossible, and we, the students, look sleep deprived and zombie-esque. Sad story.

A girl was walking by and she was saying “He told me to hang out with his friends.” Her voice was weird and shaky like she was about to cry. Sometimes the things you hear people say things in passing, and the way they say them and what they say are the most random things ever.

Some people walk around saying things like “It’s hydrogen! It’s hydrogen!” as if nothing else was more important in life…

All of these weird reactions are side effects of sleep deprivation and the periodic table getting to your head.

I would post a to-do list for finals for us tortured souls like stay hydrated; sleep; etc. But we don’t ever do them, so what is the point? (Yes, I am talking to you guys who have 2 pages when you should really have about 11 pages done on that social justice paper due in a day- smile)

Today, I came to the realization that I have a final exam tomorrow, and I thought it was further away (this one is going to need extra prayer)… Despite this epiphany, I am enjoying myself, I will keep studying (now with renewed intensity) and wasting my designated wasting time (as everyone else will do, but some people give themselves a large allowance in wasting time).

So in other updates (what I found out while wasting time) Mr. Francois Hollande, French Socialist candidate, made it to round two against incumbent Sarko.

Also, Steve Harvey’s movie about thinking like a man knocked The Hunger Games from #1. In the words of Kelly Raspberry: “Maybe people wanted to watch a romantic comedy; maybe they got tired of seeing kids kill each other for food.”

True story. I don’t get the whole fascination with the violent and hungry children. It all reminds me of Lord of the Flies… one of the most disturbing pessimistic books ever. Deep… but man. Really? Have people really never read the classic? Why are they so impressed with this one? (If you would like to share, please enlighten me)

Usually, what society thinks is hot in pop culture is, well, not.

Anyway… back to the story of our lives…

I found this list of things to do DURING a final exam (IF you know you are going to fail, which I hope is not the case, but it is what it is right?)…. here are a few.

(Brought to you by Meyerweb, click to see the complete list.)

For the rebels: If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

For those who like encouragement: Bring cheerleaders.

For the philosophical: Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?”

For the international student (or those who could pass): Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say ,”They’ve found me, I have to leave the country,” and run off.

For the polyglot: Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

For the star: Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

For the musical one: Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling, “I’m here, the phantom of the opera,” until they drag you away.

For those who know useless trivia: From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge On The River Kwai.

For the health nuts: Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

Okay everyone… best of luck! Study hard and succeed.

And as my friend Olga says, stay POSTIVVVVEEE :DDDD


Published by Gabriela Yareliz

Gabriela is a writer, editor and attorney. She loves the art of storytelling, and she is based in NYC.

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